Elf Found Stealing PS4s For Santa

Saturday – Police were called to a warehouse in a commercial district in Los Angeles. When they arrived they were shocked by what they found.

Dock workers had reported suspicious events occurring around a shipping container as soon as it entered port. Workers notified the police who then set up surveillance around the container day and night. Finally this Saturday morning at 3:31 AM their net ensnared the guilty party.

“I walk in guns drawn and there’s this midg…short person… what ever – there is a four foot tall guy that has busted up in a shipping container, and he’s pulling out Play Station 4s (PS4). I yell, STOP. POLICE. PUT  YOUR HANDS UP, YOU’RE UNDER ARREST. This guy turns around and he is the craziest looking guy I have ever seen. ” said Detective Andy Sipowitz, arresting officer on the case.

Égion Saerdir, reportedly of the North Pole, was found in the possession of the stolen material. When booked he was found to be of pale skin, 3 foot 4 inches in height and dressed in green. He also has long pointed ears. The police were baffled until he explained that he was an elf from the North Pole.

National Report spoke with Mr. Saerdir after making bond, he had this to say, “Times is hard. There is a international recession going on. Santa has had to lay off elves and there is no way that we are set up to make something as technological as this, and those damned Japs would never license it to us. God I hate the Japanese. So you gotta do what you gotta do. It’s like that. Kids want it and if we don’t get good kids the toys they deserve they stop believing in Santa, then Jesus, and then they are only a step away from shooting up a school! WHO IS THE REAL CRIMINAL HERE?”

The PS4 is a popular game console, sold by Sony Corporation, a Japanese corporation headquartered in Tokyo, Japan. The company is primarily focused on electronics, gaming, entertainment and financial services.

Kazuo Hirai,President and CEO of Sony Corp. Had this to say of the break in, “We no drop charges. We no make toys for free.  Sony corporation, we make money. You want PS4, You pay for it. We see you in court. We tell fat man many time, you no get for free. Now he send creepy thief henchmen. Bah hum bug!”

After several unreturned phone calls we finally managed to talk with Santa Clause, or “The Fat Man” as Mr. Hirai, referred to him.

“The North Pole had nothing to do with this crime. I reward the good, how can I do that while condoning crime? Égion, is a poor misguided youth. I just took him on last year. He has had a hard life. You see in 1995 my sled was shot down over Kosovo. Égion’s father was with me. That was a tough night. Only me, and Blitzen survived. Australia and most of Asia didn’t get their presents until January that year. Not many people know about that night.” said Santa.


When asked about the North Poles relationship with Sony, he had this to say: “Ugh. Everytime it is the same thing with those people. They roll out a new game platform and every kid on the planet wants one. There are what… 8 billion people on earth. Maybe a quarter of that is kids, maybe a tenth of that is good enough to be worthy on one. That is still millions and millions of children. Sony hasn’t even made that many yet. And to make it worse they roll them out right before Christmas. So every kid expects one. So it drives up the cost. I mean my God have you looked at craigslist? People are asking for $500 or more for them! It’s ridiculous."

When asked for comment on Mr. Clauses comments Mr. Hirai had this to say; “What he mean ‘those people’?”

Original George Zimmerman Painting On Ebay

Everyone’s favorite Jew-Mexi-American, Castle Doctrine shooter George Zimmerman has turned to art after having many legal issues of late, including shooting a black kid, beating and threatening his wife and then beating his girlfriend. Well he is now selling his art on eBay to turn a buck or two.

I am not an art critic but it doesn’t look to bad. On the eBay posting he writes:

“First hand painted artwork by me, George Zimmerman. Everyone has been asking what I have been doing with myself. I found a creative, way to express myself, my emotions and the symbols that represent my experiences. My art work allows me to reflect, providing a therapeutic outlet and allows me to remain indoors I hope you enjoy owning this piece as much as I enjoyed creating it. Your friend, George Zimmerman”

India Recalls Criminal Female Diplomat, Only To Be Gang Raped At Home

Diplomat arrested in US for labor law violations

Earlier this week an Indian diplomat here in the US found their self in a bit of legal trouble. Devyani Khobragade, India's deputy consul general in New York, was accused of submitting false documents to get a work visa for her Indian servant to come to Manhattan. She was arrested and handcuffed Thursday as she dropped off her daughter at school

It is being reported in Indian news reports, that she was strip searched and kept in a cell with drug addicts before posting $250,000 bail. This is causing quite a stir in India, as wealthy people there are not subjected to common security issues, as we are here. This is probably the reason Bombay was recently taken over by terrorists for a week. Only poor people are subjected to common security tactics in India.

Upcoming series: Great Fictional American Heros

May 25, 2011 - Recently I read the series by August Weisz, called “Portrait of a Christian Hero”. This wonderful series chronicled several men who have proven to be great role models for today’s American youth.
I was actually just reading Stephenson Billings article “Should I Hire a Hippie” and I was reminded of my own personal favorite Hippie Hater Eric Cartman. I realized that some of the flock may not be familiar with some of these great Americans.

Also some may question why we are celebrating fictional characters. I ask you, Is Velma from Scooby Doo fame any less real than Arnold Schwarzenegger?

So who do you think should be added to the list? List them in the comments, or write on my facebook wall (real graffiti wouldn’t be tolerated by a great fictional American hero).

Ready for the Swimsuit Sin Season?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Homogay Agenda and the Androgynous Child

May 24, 2011 - Canadian couple Kathy Witterick and David Stocker of Toronto, Canada have announced the birth of their baby, Storm. Beside to obvious thought into the childs name something else was missing.

“We’ve decided not to share Storm’s sex for now, a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place? …),” they wrote in an email to friends and family.

I am sure much to the dismay of friends and family who are confused about what to buy the child, they hold fast to not revealing the sex of the child.
“What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It’s obnoxious,” states Stocker, a teacher at an alternative school.

A VERY ALTERNATIVE school I would imagine.

Pedofile Fried Chicken

May 24, 2011-Today I came across this picture. It is of a fried chicken drum stick meal in some foreign land. I dont know which one…I am guessing Germany, their all freaks; Or maybe it is whatever country the Vatican is in.

But with a name like “Lick’n Kiddies Meal” I am disgusted. These child molesters in foreign lands may like to mock us Americans for enforcing the morals of God on a sinful world, and may even find it amusing to abuse the anuses of their children, but we will NEVER accept something as wrong as this in this great country!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Meaning of the Muslim War Cry

May 22, 2011-The satanic warcry of the Muslim terrorist we have all heard it, but what does it mean?
AHlalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalah!

Appearantly it is called a Ululation. It is a version of of the Word Allah. And losely translated means “Death to America”.

During my research I discovered that Xena of the TV show Xena Warrior Princess also did it. Which leads me to wonder if Xena was a recruitment tool used over a decade ago to lure Americans into a sympathetic terror state of mind.

Rapture a Hoax, True Christians Are Pissed.

Christwire May 22, 2011 - Yesterday I sat at home reading the bible and waiting for the 6pm hour to come. As the hour dawned I walked out on my poarch ready to fly magically off to heaven. But as I sat there with the sweat pouring off of my aged face, with mosquitoes nipping at my calloused ankles I wondered…is it 6pm eastern? or western? Which time zone are we going with?

I went back in to turn on the news. Certainly FOX News would have live coverage of the rapture. But there was nothing about it on. I was starting to worry.

South Park hating Terrorist an Obama lover

The Smoking Gun reports that Zachary Chesser,who was sentenced earlier this year to 25 years in federal prison following his guilty plea to making the “South Park” threats as well as providing material support to terrorism was also a volunteer for Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign.
This freedom hating Obama lover has cooperated with FBI agents and helped prosecutors building a case against Jessie Curtis Morton, with whom Chesser operated an extremist Revolution Muslim web site. Morton was named last week in a felony criminal complaint charging him with threatening the lives of Matt Stone and Trey Parker over a “South Park” episode that included the Prophet Muhammad dressed in a bear suit.

The Rapture is Almost Here

I write this at 3:59 eastern time. The rapture will happen soon. I hope your ready.

I sit at home studing the bible, in wonder of what is to come.

I have friends who are doing last minute errands but I suggest that you do not drive as there will be many car crashes left for the horrible sinners to clean up. Lets not be party poopers for them, let’s leave gracefully

The CBS show Big Bang Theory is Sinful Atheist Propaganda

There is a horrible anti-christian television show on CBS that is known as “The Big Bang Theory”. Just like the supposed scientific theory that it is loosely based on, the show is viomently anti-christian and I strongly urge all Christians to boycott it.

Tonight will be the season finale of the show. But if God were in anyway involved with the show it would be the series finale instead. But since God is in no way related to this horrible show, it has been extending through the 2013–2014 season.

Great American Hero Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage Dead

Originally published on Christwire May 20, 2011 

It is being reported that great 80′s wrestling star Randy Macho Man Savage is dead.
Savage who’s God given name was Randy Mario Poffo, suffered a heart attack Friday morning while driving and lost control of the vehicle. Macho Man was 58.

Savage became a cultural figure for wrestling as well as being a spokesman for Slim Jim’s and an actor who most notably starred in the first “Spider-Man” film, where he beat the heathen out of the little sinful “spidey”.

Wrestling is known as one of the most homo-gay friendly sports in the world but Macho Man stood up to that image and punched it in the face and elbow bombed it from the top rope. Most notably in the late 1980′s when ever Hulk Hogan ripped off his shirt Macho Man was there to beat him for it.
Macho Man was always accompanied by his wife and manager Elizabeth Ann Hulette, aka “The Lovely Miss Elizabeth”, she died in 2003.

Once can imagine Macho Man standing at the pearly gates yelling “I’m coming to join you Elizabeth” much like Red Foxx in Samford and Son.

Soon, Macho Man, we’ll be there too. You just got there one day ahead of us…praise Jesus for the rapture coming tomorrow. We’ll all be there soon!

Praise Jesus, Hallelujah!

Pirates ARRRRRR Coming To Rape and Pillage Your Booty

Just in time for the rapture a new Pirates of the Caribbean are coming to turn your moral christian mind to the evil homo gay ways of a pirate lifestyle.

Now I have never seen one of these cinematic homo-erotica pirate movies. I do not need to. I know enough about Pirates from history to know that I do not need to see any of them.

From the commercials that I see on TV I can tail that Johnny Depp plays a gay pirate with a homo gay lisp, he sails around raping and pillaging innocent christian islands, looking for men to plunder their tight booties and then sinfully making them walk his short turgid plank, all while drunk on rum.
If you care for your immortal soul then do not waste your money of this “film” save it for a delicious ice cream cone from Cold Stone Creamery. Imagine eating one on Saturday afternoon as your slowly raptured off to heaven.

Originally published  May 19, 2011on Christwire

What Your Piercings Say About You

Recently I ran across a wonderful article from my friends over at Modern Woman Digest, named What Your Piercing Says About You. In fact it reminds me of a wonderful article I wrote years ago on Christwire named What Your Tramp Stamp Says About You.  Below is the article:

What Your Tramp Stamp Says About You

While researching another article I came across a phenomenon known as Tramp Stamps. It seems that they have been around for a while. Being older, I had never heard of them until just now. For those of you who don’t know, a tramp stamp is code far a tattoo above ones buttocks. It seems that it is a fashion choice now, but originally was considered by many men as a target.

This “Target” idea is a very delicate subject. You may want to ask any women or children or even young or weak moralled men to leave the room. You see, when a man is in the doggy position with a woman (or homosexual), as he feels the sinful climax of the act drawing nearer he removes his sin stick from the woman’s (or other man) orifice and deposits his seed on the woman’s back, aiming for the tattoo target.

Is Doggy Style Acceptible for Christian Women?

Doggie Style is a style named after dogs.

I was at the Sunday evening women’s bible study the other night when the topic of pleasing your husband came up. Some of the newly married ladies were curious which sexual positions were ok for a christian woman to engage in with their husband. Soon Talk turned to one position in particular. Since I am the elder of the group many questioning faces turned to me. Of course I have my opinions, but my opinions are nothing to the opinions of God and Jesus Christ. So I decided to do some biblical research.

The liberals who come to our holy online fellowship here and mock us, are always blabbering on about research. So here it is.
Now, I was going to save this for Wednesday bible study but many of my church have begun reading my posts here. Also with the recent marriage of Bruce and Claire, I thought this might come in handy in their bed chamber.


Much to my surprise, the Bible does not say anything about sexual positions. There are no prohibitions on any position in the Bible, it seems. Other than the prohibition of having intercourse with a menstruous woman (Lev 18:19), there is no comment about the types of sexual activity between married people. Then I decided to look for any sex in the bible.

Avenged Seven Fold: Today’s Best Jesus Rock

June 14, 2011 - I am afraid that when it comes to the hard rock music of today’s youth there isn’t much to praise. Over a decade ago “Creed” told us of the dangers of ignoring the lord and creating “My own Prison”. Then half a decade ago Flyleaf broke out and told us musically of the love of the lord. Now a new band has come to the forefront of today’s youth rock movement.

This band is known as Avenged Seven Fold, which is an illusion to the vengeance of the lord, spoken of in the Old Testament. Just minutes ago I heard their latest song while my grandson Jimmy was bringing me from the doctors office. The name of the song is “Welcome to the family” and speaks of the “family if Christ” that we all know so well as Christians. It starts out talking to today’s youth who have found theirselves on the path to damnation, and encourages them to turn to Jesus, and “join the family”. At the end of the song they tell fornicating sinners that they are “not invited” within the gates of heaven.