Time Warner Purchases The Onion

In a surprising turn of events today, it has been announced that Time Warner, has purchased the "satire" website The Onion.
 The Onion is was started in 1996 by Tom Keck and Christopher Johannson, and is known for it's mildly amusing articles lampooning political leaders, celebrities and news. But has seen it's popularity wane in recent years as better satire websites have popped up. Time Warner is an American Media company and is the world's third largest broadcasting and cable company. It is known mostly for it's cable company and the channels that it puts on that cable network, including HBO.

 "We feel that this is going to be a positive acquisition, for our company. I can really see a home for The Onion on Comedy Central. With Colbert leaving to do that little CBS show. We feel that we can put a show into development and replace Colbert quickly, and honestly it was a good buy." Stated William Deckinson, VP of entertainment at Time Warner.

BREAKING NEWS: C/Net Has More Viruses Than CDC

 More viruses than CDC

National Report - As I near the end of my time here on Earth, I like many others come to be interested in where I came from. I have over 80 years of history in my head but there is more history that I do not know about. That is why I have turned to genealogy to learn more about where I have come from. I know that the Xenu family has a very proud history in this country going back to Jamestown, Virginia where Zacharias Xenu was a sailor on board a supply ship that fell in love with an Indian woman and fathered many little half red man babies.

Recently I decided that with so many ancestors, I needed to turn to the Internet to get a computer program that could help me. My grandson told me about download.com a website hosted by C/net.com, a supposedly reputable company. I downloaded the program and the first time that I used it the program crashed. Then a little ad popped up. Then something popped up saying that my computer was infected. I called my grandson back to fix the mess.

He told me that the program that I had just downloaded was probably a virus and He immediately started a program called Search and Destroy. He said that this was a program that would get rid of all the evil viruses that stupid program had loaded. The good program found several viruses and when he tried to fix it but it would not allow him to remove the viruses. He uninstalled one program only to find it had reappeared days later.

What kind of reputable company would disguise such vile viruses as a legitimate program? I immediately went back to the website to file a review of the fake program, of course I had to sign up for an account, and then it would not allow me to leave my negative review! But of course the email spam from C/net started coming. I then tried to find an email address to let them know what a horrible program they were allowing unexpecting internet users to download, and of course there was no contact information on their website. I had to google c/nets email address and sent them a lengthy email letting them know what I thought of their website. The reply I received was :
  So you can send me more spam or infect my computer some more?

Yeah. Like I am clicking on that. Luckily Jimmy was able to finally open the computer in something called “safe mode networking” and was able to uninstall the programs (My PCBackup and Lucky Leaf) as well as use the Search and Destroy program to remove the virus files left in the registry.

Reputable programs do not make it so that you can not remove them.[/caption] In researching how to remove these programs Jimmy found a website where everyone commented that they all had gotten these harmful and damaging viruses at C/net. Personally I am disgusted that a company like this would allow such pure crap as this on their servers. I am writing this to help others and in hopes that C/net might make this situation right.

NYC Mayor Bloomberg to Ban Buffets

This man denies businesses the right to make money just as he has.

New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg has never been one to shy away from political controversy and  constitutional over stepping. He has used $100,000 of city money to send NYC police to Arizona gun shows, has banned large sodas from NYC, supported racist campaigns against African Americans, fingerprinted the poor, encouraged forced breast feeding, sent $250,000 to encourage abortions, and has possibly illegally purchased guns that he denies to law abiding citizens. But now, right before his term as the 108^th Mayor of NYC comes to an end, he has decided to use his executive privilege to ban buffets in the city.
 

Buffets are restaurants that charge one flat price and allow its patrons to eat as much as they wish. Bloomberg has fought a personal war against over weight people for the last year. It was a year ago that he denied freedom loving Americans their constitutional right to sodas and colas in large cups, by limiting the size to only 16 ounces.

Kicked out of NYC

But now the outgoing mayor is blatantly trying to ruin businesses such as Golden Corral and Ryan’s, and countless local Chinese Buffets, by running them out of business. Bloomberg is a business man himself but has no problem it seems, ruining these businesses and preventing them from freely operating in the Free Market.

We managed to reach Duan Johnson, General Manager of the Times Square Golden Corral, who had this to say:

“I can’t believe he is doing this! I don’t know what we are going to do. There simply isn't enough time to do anything about it. Corporate says to shut down. How do I tell 30 something employees that they are fired? “

Bloomberg is supposedly a liberal, aren’t liberals supposed to

Banned in NYC

be accepting of all kinds of people? But why does he hate fat people so much? Why is Bloomberg waging this war against fat people? He is the biggest loser here.

Bloomberg told The New York Times, “Obesity is a nationwide problem, and all over the United States, public health officials are wringing their hands saying, ‘Oh, this is terrible.’ New York City is not about wringing your hands; it’s about doing something. I think that’s what the public wants the mayor to do,” last week.

Luckily this man will soon enough be removed from office and hopefully a more moderate and sane voice will be in the Mayors office. The new law is set to go into effect on October 15^th.

Let Mayor Bloomberg know what you think by tweeting this article to:

@NYCMayorsOffice @nycgov @BloombergNews

The Girl Scouts Are Sinful Cookie Selling Lesbians

National Report – Every fall Girl Scouts descend upon grocery stores around the nation to hock their glucose containing cookies. But what are you buying when you buy those cookies. You are buying a one way trip to lesbianism, liberalism, communism, and eventual hell for a young girl, according to pastors Kevin Swanson and Dave Buehner of Generations Radio. 

Swanson begs us as Christians not to purchase the demon cookies. “Please, I beg of you, do not buy Girl Scout cookies,” Swanson said. “Please, I beg of you, stop buying Girl Scout cookies.”

He goes on to add that if you do you should “take a big, fat, black magic marker” and “start marking out all of the references to the Girl Scouts of America on all the boxes.” He then goes on to explain that the Girl Scouts are promoting lesbianism and abortion, and calls the cookies “food offered to idols.”