Denny's Celebration of Baconalia Has Pagan Roots

Anyone who watches TV, and who doesn't? How else will we know where to spend our hard earned christian dollars? Wil have noticed that the restruant of Denny's has a new sell the celebrates Bacon. What can be more christian then relishing in the tastiness of the swine that the coming of christ made availiable for gentiles? But alas! My investigative research has proven that there is an ancient pagan festival at the heart of this wonderful fest. According to seriouseats.com :

For those who, like me, are Latin-impaired, Baconalia is a twist on the Roman term Bacchanalia, essentially drunken wine festivals; what's Denny's celebration of bacon? Its regular hickory-smoked bacon, its turkey bacon, and a new pepper bacon, in all sorts of dishes and permutations.

Unlike the liberal media elite I went to college and learned things instead of participating in drunken keggers. Bacchus, or Dionysus as the greeks knew him, was the greco-roman god of the grape harvest, winemaking and wine, of ritual madness and ecstasy.That is right I said RITUAL MADNESS AND ECSTASY!!! He holds a fennel staff, tipped with a pine-cone and known as a thyrsus. Sometimes His thyrsus is wound with ivy and dripping with honey. It is a beneficent wand but also a weapon, and can be used to destroy those who oppose his cult, according to Wikipedia. Now, I dont need to tell you how homo gay that is. I think it is pretty obvious. Now is this the image that Denny's wants to show the world, can we not celebrate the wonderful glories of Gods bacon in the form of a BLT, bacon-packed breakfast plate, Bacon Flapjacks and Maple Bacon Ice Cream, without being an abomination unto God?

Fan Mail from Christwire

The emosexual kids love me. My writings on those God awful emosexual death metal bands has endured me to every little godless sodomite teen in the country. Here are a few selections that were sent to Christwire's Holy Mail Box this week:

Melody Johnson jesusluver6969@gmail.com

Dear christwire,

I've decided to write you an email regarding my feelings on some of your insightful arguments and articles. Below you will find a list of intriguing questions and queries showcasing my thoughts and emotions on christwire and more importantly, sister susan. 

An emo with something intriguing? Interesting!

What is wrong with australians and everyone who isn't american?

Did you read my article? I lay it out pretty well. Your godless jerks and you're not American.
Why don't you spell check your articles?

Why dont you love Jesus?

Whats wrong with the philippines?

It stinks, the people are pagan and godless sodomites.

Why can't i wear shorts, i live near the equator its always hot?

When did I say you cant wear shorts?

Why is sister susan so old and gross?

Because I haven't died. Why are you so stupid and retarded?

Why don't you approve of the homosexual community?

Do you idiots ever read the bible?

Why are you such an asshole?

Why are you such a stupid moron?

Was satan protecting sister susan from the fire that burnt down her house?

My house wasn't burned down it was the Christwire offices. the kid that did it is in prison now getting butt sodomized by blackmen. GOD is my protector.

Whats wrong with my little pony?

Read one of our many articles you idiot.

Why do you have such a retarded layout?

Why does your mother have such a retarded child? Were you a failed late term abortion?
Do you not realize that beating your children is punishable by the law?

Spare the rod, spoil the child. You are now so ruined your mother should get the beating.
What made you such close minded idiots? 

Stupid emoron.

Is christwire the work of satan himself?

I hate dealing with people this stupid.

Are you jealous of black people's voluptuous bodies and hair, and is that why you make fun of them?

Jealous of black people? That's rich!

Are you jealous of asia's rising economy and america's rapidly deteriorating economy?

Do you enjoy working ion the sweat shop?

WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION FROM?

the bible.

(you should really have a bibliography!) 

I have a bible

Sincerely yours,

Melody the 14 year old who is more culturally aware than sister susan and the rest of christwire

You will still burn in hell for all of eternity emo.

And then there is this peach:

emily miller emily-pie@hotmail.com 

Oh, so your suppose to be a christian grandmother? HA! I laugh at that. You are just like that baptist church! I don't care if anyone replies saying that your a..... good doer. Your not! You are a disgrace. I don't care if your an elder. I only respect elder's who respect each others fucking views!!! I don't give a shit if I'm fucking 'shoving' my views down your throat. If you and your baptist church folk keep doing this, then your stupid GOD CAN JUST GO STRAIGHT TO HELL WHERE MY PERSONALLY FRIEND LIVES, THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Fucking hate you!! Homosexuals didn't choose to be gay. Canada is a great country...... I live in Canada and Six Nations is in North America. We love Hockey! Hockey is an awesome sport. To my point of view, I fucking think that you are going to Hell. God have mercy on your pitiful soul. Tardass, I have no respect for you, you ass. Go burn in Hell.

Gays are an abomination. Canada sucks. What is 6 nations and why should I care? Screw you hockey we hate it. I am going to heaven and will laugh from on high at your burning sould being tortured for eternity.