Your Guide to Planning to be Raped

Originally Published May 28, 2011

Nearly 90,000 people reported being raped in the United States in 2008. There is an arrest rate of 25%. Do you have a vagina? Well You should plan to have it violated.

All men are possible rapists.

Yesterday the lovely Blanche Beecham told us of how the very wonderful christian man and Kansas State Rep. Pete DeGraaf (R) wrinkled the hairy armpits of lesbians and feminists of that state. Today the vengeful hate has spread across the internet from his statements that women should prepare to be raped by himself and any other man out there.

This reminded me that Men are very dangerous creatures, atleast those who are not true Christians. It also got me to thinking… how does one prepare yourself to be raped?

As a woman in her 80′s, I luckily have never been raped as I have never dressed slutily or allowed unchristian men within sins distance of me. Because of this I have never put much thought into what I would do if I were raped. It is a horrible thought really. But thanks to Mr. DeGraaf, I have prepared my lady bits to be ravaged by a stranger; and I am going to tell you how I did it!

Is Doggy Style Acceptible for Christian Women?

Doggie Style is a style named after dogs.

I was at the Sunday evening women’s bible study the other night when the topic of pleasing your husband came up. Some of the newly married ladies were curious which sexual positions were ok for a christian woman to engage in with their husband. Soon Talk turned to one position in particular. Since I am the elder of the group many questioning faces turned to me. Of course I have my opinions, but my opinions are nothing to the opinions of God and Jesus Christ. So I decided to do some biblical research.

The liberals who come to our holy online fellowship here and mock us, are always blabbering on about research. So here it is.
Now, I was going to save this for Wednesday bible study but many of my church have begun reading my posts here. Also with the recent marriage of Bruce and Claire, I thought this might come in handy in their bed chamber.


Much to my surprise, the Bible does not say anything about sexual positions. There are no prohibitions on any position in the Bible, it seems. Other than the prohibition of having intercourse with a menstruous woman (Lev 18:19), there is no comment about the types of sexual activity between married people. Then I decided to look for any sex in the bible.