Showing posts with label christian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christian. Show all posts

Monday, May 1, 2017

Xenu's Christian Movie Review: Guardian of The Galaxy Vol. 2

As many of you know I often get asked by my local movie theatre to come down and watch new movies before they are released to the normal folks. So last week they asked me if I would like to watch Guardian of the Galaxy. Thinking that the movie was about our Lord and Savior, I went down to give it a try.

It was NOT about Jesus Christ our Lord and savior. It was about some pudgy faced idiot traipsing around wearing a red leather jacket like he was in the matrix movies. This idiot calls himself "Star Lord" which by the way is a direct affront to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the one and only Star Lord. This moron runs around the galaxy in a spaceship full of freaks and causes mayhem and then tries to fix what he has broken.

Let me be honest. I didn't watch the whole movie. I fell asleep. It was that bad.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Reverse Christian Cowgirl: A New Marital Position


Last week I wrote an article entitled “Is Doggy style acceptible for Christian woman?” that revealed to Christian women that there were no biblical restrictions on sexual positions within marriage. Since then I have been inundated by questions from women at my church and by emails from women on Christwire and on my facebook page, wanting to know about what other sexual positions might be available to them. I have told them that with the


exception of homogay anal sodomy, that anything within their imagination is free game. But Still I am asked to inform them about particular positions. I am very hesitant to do this as I do not wish to become the Dr. Ruth of Christwire. But I keep getting questioned and emailed constantly.

I have finally relented. I asked around to some of the married women and to some of my grand daughters whorelot friends, and have even visited some very dubious internet websites. I found one online that sounded rather wholesome with a wonderful name: Reverse Cowgirl, also known as RCG. It seems to be related to the cowgirl position, which simply is the woman on top of the man, but in this case turned facing away from the man, as if to hide her shame.


Many christian men may find this position a turn off as it gives the “power” to the woman. It also typically gives more pleasure to the woman. In this position the woman has greater control over the extent and duration of the penetration. The woman faces away from the man. She can either be in a kneeling or squatting position and can have her torso upright, or she can have it aligned with the inserting man’s body. It serves to stimulate the most sensitive parts of the man’s sin stick as a result of the way it is forced to bend while at the same time rubbing on the female G-spot and naughty nub simultaneously.

Features of the reverse cowgirl position:
* penetration is quite deep
* the woman can control the depth and intensity of penetration, and enjoy the dominant feeling of being in control
* some men enjoy the submissive feeling of being on the bottom


Disadvantages of the reverse cowgirl position:
* neither partner can see the other well
* caressing is difficult
* some women find supporting their weight on their arms hard



Since the sin stick is bent downwards in this position, care needs to be taken in this position, to avoid damage to it, particularly if it slips out during naughty time.
I recommend that if you enjoy this position, but feel dirty for participating in a position other than the traditional missionary may I suggest the Reverse Christian Cowgirl, which as your doing RCG you pray to god…“OH God, Oh God, Praise be unto Jesus!”
Amen.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Attack of the Satan Scepter during Swimsuit Sin Season

May 26, 2011 - Yesterday I reported how I warned my grandson and others of the vile flesh revealing swimsuit whores.

Member and dirty whorelot Claire, as well as Reverend S. Mutt urged me to make a version for women. Well, today it is time to reveal the dangers of the hung incubus who tempt moral women and less than straight men and boys into the homogay agenda.

WARNING
SOME IMAGES WILL BE DISTURBING! PLEASE ASK ALL WOMEN (UNDER THE AGE OF 65) AND CHILDREN (under the age of 26) TO LEAVE THE ROOM!!!

Average Joe

This guy is just like every other man out there. Desparate to get inside your warm inviting sin sack. You may think he is a nice guy, with a cute smile but beware. He is at the party for only one reason. SIN!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Ready for the Swimsuit Sin Season?

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What Your Piercings Say About You

What Your Tramp Stamp Says About You

While researching another article I came across a phenomenon known as Tramp Stamps. It seems that they have been around for a while. Being older, I had never heard of them until just now. For those of you who don’t know, a tramp stamp is code far a tattoo above ones buttocks. It seems that it is a fashion choice now, but originally was considered by many men as a target.

This “Target” idea is a very delicate subject. You may want to ask any women or children or even young or weak moralled men to leave the room. You see, when a man is in the doggy position with a woman (or homosexual), as he feels the sinful climax of the act drawing nearer he removes his sin stick from the woman’s (or other man) orifice and deposits his seed on the woman’s back, aiming for the tattoo target.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Is Doggy Style Acceptible for Christian Women?

Doggie Style is a style named after dogs.

I was at the Sunday evening women’s bible study the other night when the topic of pleasing your husband came up. Some of the newly married ladies were curious which sexual positions were ok for a christian woman to engage in with their husband. Soon Talk turned to one position in particular. Since I am the elder of the group many questioning faces turned to me. Of course I have my opinions, but my opinions are nothing to the opinions of God and Jesus Christ. So I decided to do some biblical research.

The liberals who come to our holy online fellowship here and mock us, are always blabbering on about research. So here it is.
Now, I was going to save this for Wednesday bible study but many of my church have begun reading my posts here. Also with the recent marriage of Bruce and Claire, I thought this might come in handy in their bed chamber.


Much to my surprise, the Bible does not say anything about sexual positions. There are no prohibitions on any position in the Bible, it seems. Other than the prohibition of having intercourse with a menstruous woman (Lev 18:19), there is no comment about the types of sexual activity between married people. Then I decided to look for any sex in the bible.