Time Warner Purchases The Onion

In a surprising turn of events today, it has been announced that Time Warner, has purchased the "satire" website The Onion.
 The Onion is was started in 1996 by Tom Keck and Christopher Johannson, and is known for it's mildly amusing articles lampooning political leaders, celebrities and news. But has seen it's popularity wane in recent years as better satire websites have popped up. Time Warner is an American Media company and is the world's third largest broadcasting and cable company. It is known mostly for it's cable company and the channels that it puts on that cable network, including HBO.

 "We feel that this is going to be a positive acquisition, for our company. I can really see a home for The Onion on Comedy Central. With Colbert leaving to do that little CBS show. We feel that we can put a show into development and replace Colbert quickly, and honestly it was a good buy." Stated William Deckinson, VP of entertainment at Time Warner.

Your Guide to Planning to be Raped

Originally Published May 28, 2011

Nearly 90,000 people reported being raped in the United States in 2008. There is an arrest rate of 25%. Do you have a vagina? Well You should plan to have it violated.

All men are possible rapists.

Yesterday the lovely Blanche Beecham told us of how the very wonderful christian man and Kansas State Rep. Pete DeGraaf (R) wrinkled the hairy armpits of lesbians and feminists of that state. Today the vengeful hate has spread across the internet from his statements that women should prepare to be raped by himself and any other man out there.

This reminded me that Men are very dangerous creatures, atleast those who are not true Christians. It also got me to thinking… how does one prepare yourself to be raped?

As a woman in her 80′s, I luckily have never been raped as I have never dressed slutily or allowed unchristian men within sins distance of me. Because of this I have never put much thought into what I would do if I were raped. It is a horrible thought really. But thanks to Mr. DeGraaf, I have prepared my lady bits to be ravaged by a stranger; and I am going to tell you how I did it!