Rapture a Hoax, True Christians Are Pissed.

Christwire May 22, 2011 - Yesterday I sat at home reading the bible and waiting for the 6pm hour to come. As the hour dawned I walked out on my poarch ready to fly magically off to heaven. But as I sat there with the sweat pouring off of my aged face, with mosquitoes nipping at my calloused ankles I wondered…is it 6pm eastern? or western? Which time zone are we going with?

I went back in to turn on the news. Certainly FOX News would have live coverage of the rapture. But there was nothing about it on. I was starting to worry.

South Park hating Terrorist an Obama lover

The Smoking Gun reports that Zachary Chesser,who was sentenced earlier this year to 25 years in federal prison following his guilty plea to making the “South Park” threats as well as providing material support to terrorism was also a volunteer for Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign.
This freedom hating Obama lover has cooperated with FBI agents and helped prosecutors building a case against Jessie Curtis Morton, with whom Chesser operated an extremist Revolution Muslim web site. Morton was named last week in a felony criminal complaint charging him with threatening the lives of Matt Stone and Trey Parker over a “South Park” episode that included the Prophet Muhammad dressed in a bear suit.

The Rapture is Almost Here

I write this at 3:59 eastern time. The rapture will happen soon. I hope your ready.

I sit at home studing the bible, in wonder of what is to come.

I have friends who are doing last minute errands but I suggest that you do not drive as there will be many car crashes left for the horrible sinners to clean up. Lets not be party poopers for them, let’s leave gracefully

The CBS show Big Bang Theory is Sinful Atheist Propaganda

There is a horrible anti-christian television show on CBS that is known as “The Big Bang Theory”. Just like the supposed scientific theory that it is loosely based on, the show is viomently anti-christian and I strongly urge all Christians to boycott it.

Tonight will be the season finale of the show. But if God were in anyway involved with the show it would be the series finale instead. But since God is in no way related to this horrible show, it has been extending through the 2013–2014 season.

Great American Hero Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage Dead

Originally published on Christwire May 20, 2011 

It is being reported that great 80′s wrestling star Randy Macho Man Savage is dead.
Savage who’s God given name was Randy Mario Poffo, suffered a heart attack Friday morning while driving and lost control of the vehicle. Macho Man was 58.

Savage became a cultural figure for wrestling as well as being a spokesman for Slim Jim’s and an actor who most notably starred in the first “Spider-Man” film, where he beat the heathen out of the little sinful “spidey”.

Wrestling is known as one of the most homo-gay friendly sports in the world but Macho Man stood up to that image and punched it in the face and elbow bombed it from the top rope. Most notably in the late 1980′s when ever Hulk Hogan ripped off his shirt Macho Man was there to beat him for it.
Macho Man was always accompanied by his wife and manager Elizabeth Ann Hulette, aka “The Lovely Miss Elizabeth”, she died in 2003.

Once can imagine Macho Man standing at the pearly gates yelling “I’m coming to join you Elizabeth” much like Red Foxx in Samford and Son.

Soon, Macho Man, we’ll be there too. You just got there one day ahead of us…praise Jesus for the rapture coming tomorrow. We’ll all be there soon!

Praise Jesus, Hallelujah!

Pirates ARRRRRR Coming To Rape and Pillage Your Booty

Just in time for the rapture a new Pirates of the Caribbean are coming to turn your moral christian mind to the evil homo gay ways of a pirate lifestyle.

Now I have never seen one of these cinematic homo-erotica pirate movies. I do not need to. I know enough about Pirates from history to know that I do not need to see any of them.

From the commercials that I see on TV I can tail that Johnny Depp plays a gay pirate with a homo gay lisp, he sails around raping and pillaging innocent christian islands, looking for men to plunder their tight booties and then sinfully making them walk his short turgid plank, all while drunk on rum.
If you care for your immortal soul then do not waste your money of this “film” save it for a delicious ice cream cone from Cold Stone Creamery. Imagine eating one on Saturday afternoon as your slowly raptured off to heaven.

Originally published  May 19, 2011on Christwire

What Your Piercings Say About You

Recently I ran across a wonderful article from my friends over at Modern Woman Digest, named What Your Piercing Says About You. In fact it reminds me of a wonderful article I wrote years ago on Christwire named What Your Tramp Stamp Says About You.  Below is the article:

What Your Tramp Stamp Says About You

While researching another article I came across a phenomenon known as Tramp Stamps. It seems that they have been around for a while. Being older, I had never heard of them until just now. For those of you who don’t know, a tramp stamp is code far a tattoo above ones buttocks. It seems that it is a fashion choice now, but originally was considered by many men as a target.

This “Target” idea is a very delicate subject. You may want to ask any women or children or even young or weak moralled men to leave the room. You see, when a man is in the doggy position with a woman (or homosexual), as he feels the sinful climax of the act drawing nearer he removes his sin stick from the woman’s (or other man) orifice and deposits his seed on the woman’s back, aiming for the tattoo target.

Is Doggy Style Acceptible for Christian Women?

Doggie Style is a style named after dogs.

I was at the Sunday evening women’s bible study the other night when the topic of pleasing your husband came up. Some of the newly married ladies were curious which sexual positions were ok for a christian woman to engage in with their husband. Soon Talk turned to one position in particular. Since I am the elder of the group many questioning faces turned to me. Of course I have my opinions, but my opinions are nothing to the opinions of God and Jesus Christ. So I decided to do some biblical research.

The liberals who come to our holy online fellowship here and mock us, are always blabbering on about research. So here it is.
Now, I was going to save this for Wednesday bible study but many of my church have begun reading my posts here. Also with the recent marriage of Bruce and Claire, I thought this might come in handy in their bed chamber.


Much to my surprise, the Bible does not say anything about sexual positions. There are no prohibitions on any position in the Bible, it seems. Other than the prohibition of having intercourse with a menstruous woman (Lev 18:19), there is no comment about the types of sexual activity between married people. Then I decided to look for any sex in the bible.

Avenged Seven Fold: Today’s Best Jesus Rock

June 14, 2011 - I am afraid that when it comes to the hard rock music of today’s youth there isn’t much to praise. Over a decade ago “Creed” told us of the dangers of ignoring the lord and creating “My own Prison”. Then half a decade ago Flyleaf broke out and told us musically of the love of the lord. Now a new band has come to the forefront of today’s youth rock movement.

This band is known as Avenged Seven Fold, which is an illusion to the vengeance of the lord, spoken of in the Old Testament. Just minutes ago I heard their latest song while my grandson Jimmy was bringing me from the doctors office. The name of the song is “Welcome to the family” and speaks of the “family if Christ” that we all know so well as Christians. It starts out talking to today’s youth who have found theirselves on the path to damnation, and encourages them to turn to Jesus, and “join the family”. At the end of the song they tell fornicating sinners that they are “not invited” within the gates of heaven.