Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Time Warner Purchases The Onion

onionIn a surprising turn of events today, it has been announced that Time Warner, has purchased the "satire" website The Onion.
 The Onion is was started in 1996 by Tom Keck and Christopher Johannson, and is known for it's mildly amusing articles lampooning political leaders, celebrities and news. But has seen it's popularity wane in recent years as better satire websites have popped up. Time Warner is an American Media company and is the world's third largest broadcasting and cable company. It is known mostly for it's cable company and the channels that it puts on that cable network, including HBO.

 "We feel that this is going to be a positive acquisition, for our company. I can really see a home for The Onion on Comedy Central. With Colbert leaving to do that little CBS show. We feel that we can put a show into development and replace Colbert quickly, and honestly it was a good buy." Stated William Deckinson, VP of entertainment at Time Warner.


 Details of the purchase are unknown at this time, but many Media analists in the know agree that the price couldn't have been more than $3.50. In a recorded interview media analist, Jerome Chefistien discusses his opinion of the value of Time Warner's purchase of the Onion.

 Meanwhile, many argue that The Onion is not even worth that much. Jimmy James Xenu, owner of The News of Christ and The Musings of James had this to say about The Onion. "Oh my god I hate those... $3.50? Really? Really? They are worth the price of two McDoubles and a McChicken? I don't think so. I hate that stupid website. It's hard out here for a satirist. Every time I post a new article on facebook, someone has to say "oh that's a fake website, like the onion". I want to bash those people in the face with a brick. How dare you compare what I write to those hacks? And everyone shares their crap. You know why? Because people are stupid. They like knowing that satire is fake. Because they are too damn stupid to figure it out. If you go to other sites you have to think "Is this real"? No one wants that. They want stupid dumbed down crap, and that's what The Onion is."

 We did seek comments from The Onion but our calls were rejected by Boost Mobile because they had not paid their bill in months.