10 Ways The Super Bowl Will Destroy Your Soul

Tomorrow millions of Americans will be tuning into the Super Bowl instead of going into church, where they belong. It is sad that so many people find time to watch some ball game instead of finding time to worship our one true God. Most people don't even realize that watching the Super Bowl will likely contribute to you spending eternity in a fiery pit in hell being eternally sodomized by demons. Here are the risks to your eternal soul if you so decided to watch this smut on TV.

It's Not Church:
Every true Christian knows that going to church and accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is the best thing you can do to save your soul. All good Christians also know that Church is held on Sunday. Once in the morning, once at night, and on Wednesday Evening too.
So it stands to reason that any other activity that occurs on Sunday during church hours is a sinful dalliance with Satan's sinful anus. So we know then that the NFL is a horrible cesspit of sin and depredation.

Football Is Gay:
I don't mean gay as in that it's not cool. I mean gay as in butt sodomy. Just look at the game. It's big bury gay bear men running around tackling each other and writhing in dog piles and playing with each others balls. That's just disgusting.

And then there's all the positions. Tight End. How can you tell me that's not gay? Quarter Back? Running Back? BareBack? it's all the same. Gay. That's what it is.
Wide receiver? In God's holy name how much further do I have to go before you people get it? Football is Gay!
Long snapper and Jammer? GAY!

And don't forget that before the football is hiked to the quarterback, he holds cups the testicles of the person in front of him. It is bad enough that grown hardened criminals are playing this game but we are teaching it to our children! We take God and prayer out of schools but encourage testicle cupping? Are you serious? The only sport gayer than Football is MMA.

Not the SEC:
The ONLY football that is even remotely decent is the SEC. This is good God fearing southern men playing a sport the best they can. The SEC plays the best football there is. The fact that two SEC teams didn't make it to the final two in the college play offs is a sure sign that American football is a sinful disgusting game played by godless homosexuals from the north.

Yankees:
Speaking of godless homosexuals from the north, look at the two teams that are playing in this year's game. They are from as far north as you can get. If they were anymore northern they would be Canadians. Northerners are horrible people. They have no manners and no morals. Not like us southerners. We are decent down home folk. But look at northerners. I hate them. god Hates them. You should hate them too.

Let's look at the Godless Yankees playing this year. You have the Patriots, representing New England. New Englanders are horrible people, with their annoying accents and all their crabs. they brag about being the first Americans, but by my count and the count of history my ancestors that landed in Virginia (The South) almost a hundred years before any pilgrims even touched Plymouth Rock. The Patriots, they are cheaters. They played in the play off game with tainted balls. They video taped that other team last year. There is that Bellychick coach of theirs. He is a big fat cheater. That fancy boy Nancy quarterback of theirs is a cheater too. I bet when he cups the balls of the man in front of him he caresses them. HE is so gay.

Then you have the Seattle Sea Monkeys, or Sea Chickens or Sea Sparrows or something like that. They are just as Yankee as The Patriots, but just from the other side of the country. Seattle is in Washington state, which has legalized marijuana. How those big bears can run around and catch a ball is beyond me. Don't tell me they aren't playing the game high. Of course they are playing high. That's what pot heads do. Every thing they do is high. Pot heads can't break their selves of the habit to do anything.

Marshawn Lynch is Retarded:

When I was a kid families took their retarded kids and put them in the basement or locked them in a bedroom where they belonged. You sure as heck didn't parade them out for the world too see. Even if they did have retard strength. And that is the only reason Marshawn Lynch is out there. You can't tell me he is not retarded. Have you ever seen an interview with him? Last week he gave an interview where he gave the same answer over and over for almost 5 minutes. That is retarded!

Beer Drinking:

Do you really want to get drunk around a bunch of men that like to fondle each others testicles? Well that is what most men do on NFL Sunday. They "hang out" and watch softcore gay cuddling and fondling all day. Why would you want to do that? Then there's all the beer commercials. Beer commercials are all the same, half naked women running around. except Budweiser who is even worse.

Budweiser Encourages Bestiality:

Back in the 1980's their commercials were cute. There were Spuds McKinzeys and croaking frogs. But last year there was a commercial about a man having a disgusting love affair with a horse. First in 2013 there was this creepy ad about a man and his unnatural love for a  horse. Then last year there was another creepy ad about the unnatural love of a dog and a horse. Now this year there is a disgusting ad showing the sickening love triangle between the man, the dog, and the horse. 

I mean my God. What in the world is wrong with these people.

Masturbation: 
Masturbation is the underlying idea behind most all of the Super Bowl advertisements. look at GoDaddy. How many young teenaged men have they damned to hell by making them commit self fornication to the likes of Danica Patrick and all their other skimpy clad bikini sluts and whorelots.

Carl's Jr:
Other wise known as Hardee's in the South. Carl's Jr is known for sexual advertisements encouraging men to self fornicate to the likes of Paris Hilton and other whorelots rubbing their soapy writhing bodies all over cars. Now they are forcing the hands of young men every where to their over sexed ad of some naked bimbo walking around with a burger. At one point in the ad a man even shoots fluids across the screen with a water hose, another is furiously stroking a ice sculpture. How can one doubt that they are forcing the concept of masturbation, self fornication and self rape on the hairy handed fists of American Men.

Mexican Food:
What do you do while you are sitting on the couch with your best friends, watching softcore male

porn (aka football), fondling each others testicles and trying not to burst in to a circle jerk of masturbation from all the over sexed ads? Eat snacks.

What does that lead to? Chips and dip. What does that lead to? Mexican food. What does Mexican Food lead too? Mexican food is a gate way to any host of horrible things. Drugs. Illegal Immigration. marrying a Mexican. Becoming a drug mule for a drug cartel or worse making drugs for a cartel. maybe even marrying another Mexican. Anything you can think of that is wrong with the world today.

Katy Perry:
Everyone knows that Katy Perry is a Satanic Witch. If there is any doubt watch her performance at

the 2014 Grammy's. No actually don't do that because she will probably make you become a Satan worshiper somehow. It is no secret that Katy Perry was raised as good Christian, her father was a preacher. But she sold her soul to the devil to become famous and now she does his demonic bidding. She sings songs about kissing other girls and becoming a lesbian, she sings about being a teenaged dream to force innocent men to engage in sexual relations with under aged girls. She sings about getting drunk, partying to all hours of the night and spending her college money. And worse of all she dresses like a street walking prostitute exposing her milk laden sin bags to force men into the sinful act of self fornication.