Thursday, April 30, 2015

Taking The Piss: Australia's Sick Fascination With Drinking Urine

You've probably seen an "Aussie" somewhere online asking if you are "taking the piss", if you are
like me you have been equally horrified and disgusted that some one would ask you such as horrible question. Of course I am not stealing your urine! My God, Jesus Christ up in heaven, why would I even want it?

So why do Australians have this sickening fetish for having their urine stolen? It's taken me months of research but I have finally nailed it down.It all starts back in 1826.

As the HMS Washforth was sailing to supply a settlement on the Tasmanian coast a typhoon caught them. during the storm the sails were ripped from the masts, then the masts were torn for the rest of the ship. Miraculously the ship and it's crew survived the storm.

But the crew soon realized the peril that they were in, as an endless ocean surrounded them they took stock of what they had. There was only enough food and water to last another week and a half. The Captain, Robert Sylvester Kelly knew that it could be over a month before another ship would be any where near them, and that was if they weren't blown far off course.

A week passed, then a month. The crew fell into sickness and starvation. Over half died during the third week. But on the sixth week the entire crew was near the end, but one.

Lieutenant Pennycock, was of a well to do family in Worcestershire. His family included dukes and earls, and had a proud naval history. He was on the quick path to becoming a Captain of his own vessel in five years or less.

But why was this one man in such better health that the rest?
Due to this ancient story almost lost to time, Australians still to this day violently guard their urine murderously jealous of anyone that may steal it
Soon his shipmates noticed and used their remaining energy to track his movements thinking he could be hording fresh water and food. Eventually their tracking revealed his sinister methods of survival.

Lt. Pennycock, was collecting the waste of his fellow shipmates, and surviving off of their urine. The crew at first was disgusted and sickened by his reprehensible behavior. This disgust soon turned to anger, they rallied their remaining strength to corral him and imprisoned him in the brig.

As their rage soon began to boil over at his using them to retain his strength some realized that this was the only way that they would remain alive. Quickly enough the entire crew began to drink their own urine!

Luckily during their 8th week lost at sea another British ship found them adrift in the Pacific. The crew of the other ship shared their supplies and the remainder of the crew was spared. Except Lt. Pennycock who was brutally murdered in his cell. Both ships returned to Australia.

Due to this ancient story almost lost to time, Australians still to this day violently guard their urine murderously jealous of anyone that may steal it. Much to the disdain of the rest of the world. Aussies. No wonder the rest of the world hates them!

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