Friday, March 28, 2014

CDC admits Zombies are Real

Fox News reports that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has posted a preparedness blog on their website warning Americans of what to do in case of the Zombie Apocalypse. It is entitled “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse” and is written by Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan and instructs readers to stock up on food and water, as well as first aid supplies. It was also posted on their facebook page.
The report states:
“If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation.
This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.”
But anyone who has viewed the TV show The Walking Dead is well aware that although the CDC can track down an E. Coli infection from a Mexican taking a #2 on your tomatoes, in the real world the CDC would work as well to end a Zombie Apocalypse as Obama Care would for a stubbed toe.
“First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. “This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored).”
Other items to be stashed in such a kit include medications, duct tape, a battery-powered radio, clothes, copies of important documents and first aid supplies.
“Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your doorstep. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake or other emergency.”
More helpful tips include:
“Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team.” And, “Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast.”
My question is where does one find their local zombie response team?
Unfortunately with the multitude of people who desperately want to survive a Zombie Apocalypse the actual CDC site with the report has went down. You may be able to try it in a few more days. Hopefully by that time we will all be raptured off to heaven. But in case you have family that you do not think will make it to heaven you may want to get them to retry the web address at
But I think the real failure of this document, which is in typical liberal commie style is that it is to passive. No where in the document does it encourage gun use or tell you how to incapacitate a zombie. So in the end I have to say thanks for nothing but scaring an old lady half to death!

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